We know that simple fact before Thursday night's (Aug. 12) episode of "Big Brother 5" begins. The victim of Nakomis' Six-Finger Plan (henceforth known only as The Alfonseca after superfluously digited Braves' reliever Antonio), Jase is heading out of the house. If there were any chance that he would depart with maturity and restraint, this show just wouldn't be worth watching.

The bare-shouldered Julie Chen begins by lamenting the rotting Horseplop alliance. What seemed so powerful just two weeks ago has become a dynasty in decline. With Drew betraying his allies, only Jase and Michael remain united. We know they're still together because of their matching hats.

If straw were available, they'd be chewing it. If chaw were allowed, they'd be spitting it. If hardtack were in the pantry, they'd be gnawing on it. If a horse were in the backyard, they'd be branding it. There's Old School and then there's Ol' West School. The mournful Ennio Morricone-style harmonica underscores Michael's repeated laments that Drew fails to appreciate that a man's word has to stand for something. Cowboy's a Jimmy Stewart hero in a Martha Stewart world. Truth and dignity just don't mean what they used to, Cowboy. If this were a John Ford movie, he'd be standing in a doorway staring at the sunset.

Jase begins his salvation plan by making it clear to Drew that in the outside world, Diane wouldn't be in his league. He tells this to Drew even though he knows that Drew will offer nothing more than a blank stare. Then he explains to Diane that she's not worthy of Pretty Boy Drew's affections. He tells this to Diane because he knows that Diane will yell about how strong she is and then go bawl in Drew's emotionless arms. Perhaps the next big twist will be that Drew's actually a robot, which would play into the Project DNA twist seeing as how he wouldn't have any.

Ah, remember the X-Factor last season? Julie Chen does, but you may not. Julie recalls it as an effective twist, rather than as a ploy that surprised the houseguests at first, but produced virtually no drama. In a trip to a nondescript pit stop on memory lane, we discover that sharing a house last summer with their exes changed very little for the contestants. The only humanizing moment in the feature is the sad news that defending champ Jun's father died just months ago and that her million dollar prize gave her the opportunity to take a year off to be with him for his last days.

Jase lies. Jase cheats. Jase pees on stuff. That's the buzz from Head of Household Nakomis, who manages to work the phrases "Cool Beans" and "Awesome Possum" into casual conversation. Neato benito, says I. Wait. Jase pees on stuff? That's the kind of salient information that CBS thinks we don't deserve unless we pay extra money for the live feeds. My viewpoint is that if the forecast in the "Big Brother" house calls for golden showers, that news should air in primetime.

Even though Marvin isn't in any real danger, we meet his momma Edna. She's proud of her son, but she's got the Lever 2000 ready to wash his mouth out when he gets home. Momma's fine with her son crossdressing for laughs, but she doesn't like him objectifying women. And those Four Horsemen had better not come anywhere near Edna, because she'll come after them with a rolling pin for talking bad about her boy.

By a predictable vote of 6-1, Jase is evicted. Nobody mocks him. He doesn't jump around flapping his arms like a chicken. For a man who thought so long and hard about how he could make for good TV, it's a pretty dull exit.

Back in the house, there's great rejoicing. But there's also a certain look of confusion. They rid the game of its strongest player, but where do they go from here? Like Robert Redford at the end of "The Candidate," they're prepared to turn into the camera and ask, "What do we do now?"

Jase sighs and explains to Julie that it was a girl who tore his alliance apart. Still, he has no regrets. Fortunately, the goodbye messages from the remaining housemates are properly bitter and gloating. Jase is called a butt, gets a razzberry from Karen and discovers that only Cowboy stood by him.

Even in defeat, Jase has a special guest. Told that Holly is in the studio, Jase gives Julie a dull gaze and mutters, "Oh. She is?"

Holly comes bounding out with the energy of a rabid cheerleader, a whirling dervish of giggles and arm clutching. Jase looks like he wants to kill Julie for ruining a moment that should have been his alone. Holly tells her special little man that they have lots to talk about. Jase appears ready to slip her a "555" number and get the heck out of Dodge.

Adria takes an early lead in the shuffleboard-inspired Head of Household competition and runs the table. Now she can go to the HoH room and finally get to see things from home, like a picture of her twin sister.

With Scott and Jase gone and Drew seeking solace and moral direction next to Diane's overtanned body, the self-defined Western heroes have left "Big Brother." Poor Cowboy stands alone and he could now face own High Noon. Droopy moustache shaved away, perhaps he can refashion his entire persona.

To return again to "The Streets of Laredo," which perfectly deconstructs the glamour and danger of living as a cowboy, "We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly/ And bitterly wept as we bore him along/ For we all loved our comrade, so brave, young and handsome/ We all loved our comrade, although he'd done wrong."

Pity the poor Cowboy. Time may have passed him by.